My book, Ribbons in Her Hair (out on August 23rd) has the mother/daughter relationship at the heart of it. I am the mother of sons so I asked my friend Jan Weiss what it’s like to be the mother of a daughter.
What is it like to be the mother of a daughter?
Coming from a family of five girls and one boy it seemed the most natural thing in the world to me that I would have a daughter. Girls I get (even though they are more difficult to raise)…boys are cute and I adore them…but I don’t have as much experience with them.
My experience in raising a daughter has been greatly influenced by the relationship I have with my mother. Oddly enough what I wanted was to have something completely different. My mother saw me as a direct offshoot of herself which means that she expected me to be like her and to have the same values and to have the same dreams. But I am as different as anyone could be from my mother so as a teenager it was a daily battle as I fought to stand up for who I was and she fought to make me like her. So I always knew that if I had a daughter I would be different.
From the time Arielle was a baby she was a spirited little fighter with a strong demanding personality. Though it was challenging I did appreciate that she knew how to speak up for herself. I encouraged that as well and always wanted her to know that she was listened to and that what she said mattered. I worked really hard to make sure that she felt validated which was something that was missing from my relationship with my mother. Arielle did fine though elementary school apart from the usual social issues that all kids deal with. Being an only child she had a hard time working in groups but as she got to middle school she found a new group of friends and they really hit it off and to this day are very close. During high school I worried about her safety constantly so I kept pretty close tabs on her and would talk to other parents so we always knew where our daughters were and who they were with which is important and something I always advise parents to do. As Arielle grew up we approached subjects that can be hard to talk about but I always wanted her to know that no matter what she could tell me anything and I would not get mad so when she began dating we talked about birth control and being responsible. She listened to me and didn’t seem uncomfortable – I think. It wasn’t always easy and I worried a lot…mostly about safety but also about her happiness. I also worried about her school grades because she didn’t seem interested. After high school Arielle went to college and it started off slow but her grades improved and before long she was an honor student and it was at that point where I began to worry less and could see that she was starting to handle things on her own but it was hard to let go. I always want to be the person she can depend on and the one who always has her back. I always wanted her to know that she is great just the way she is and to be herself and that we don’t have to have the same interests. I also wanted to project a strong female presence in her life because I am a strong feminist and wanted her to be a feminist too so that she would stand up for herself in a world that does not stand up for women. I was not raised in a feminist household so I fought for that.
Arielle got married almost three years ago and now has a young son. I wanted her to have a daughter but when we found out it was a boy we were just as happy and now every moment I spend with my grandson is a gift. A friend of mine said the reason she had a boy is because she needs to raise the next feminist generation so August will be raised to respect and appreciate women.
Raising my daughter has been the most important thing I have ever done. She is a beautiful person and each day I am in awe of her strength and her abilities as a mother . And now we have this amazing little boy in our life who can take on all this love he is given everyday and carry that out into the world.
Jan Weiss is an artist and writer from the Bay Area of California.
See her work at Jan Weiss Artist and follow her on Facebook
I’ll also hopefully take the dog for a walk, I say hopefully because he’s a bit under the weather and might not fancy it, have a bubble bath and I might even have a bottle of wine somewhere with my name on it. It’ll be a good day.
Publication day (yesterday) was a bit non-descript to be honest but that’s OK. There were no bells, there were no whistles, it just happened. I went to work and had a normal Thursday For me the joy comes when someone enjoys a book so the best is yet to come. I’ve actually already had a couple of lovely comments so that makes all of the work worthwhile.
